Caleb's Journey

Hi! We are the LaVanish Family. We are a family of four, myself (Angie), my loving husband (Johnny), Caleb and Conner!! We are so blessed !!!

Caleb was born on June 23, 2006... a perfect, beautiful baby boy! He's our first born...our pride and joy! At 6 months old...right before Christmas...he developed intussusception --a medical condition in which a part of the intestine has invaginated into another section of intestine, similar to the way in which the parts of a collapsible telescope slide into one another. This resulted in an obstruction. Any parent that has ever gone through something like this....knows the fear that goes into that moment. I could have lost my child and I thank God for him everyday!!!!

Like any proceedure, he had to recover. I assumed that this was why he was behind on most of the beginning milestones. With each and every doctor visit, he fell further and further behind. We kept hearing the same thing from parents that we talked to. You can't compare, no child is the same, he'll catch up. I knew in my heart that there was more to this.

At the time, I was working a full time job at an insurance agency and worked part-time teaching woman to dress for success with Premier Designs Jewelry while my son was enrolled in daycare.

After a loving conversation with my Mother-In-Law, Kellie, she confirmed what I had been feeling. She said that because she obviously had children of her own plus she had the experience working in a daycare with children, she noticed something was "different" about Caleb. She couldn't put her finger on it.

The next day, I asked the daycare what their thoughts and needless to say the response was, "We were afraid to tell you because we thought you would get mad." Apparently it was their experience in the past that parents would get mad when they told them their was something wrong with their kids. This really hurt me and I immediately pulled him out of the daycare and onto another. Still we found that it didn't matter how strong the daycare was....he needed more direct attention. A ratio of a few workers to several kids was not going to cut it for a boy that needed more attention. It is my opinion that he is just as smart as all the other children...it is just a different way that he needs to learn.

Caleb is/was not a bad kid. Infact, we were told by so many that he was so calm compared to most. He could sit forever and watch a Baby Einsteen movie and when it would shut off he would get really upset. He didn't make a lot of eye contact and it was so hard to get him on task. He loses focus often. One of the early signs was fascination with buckeling things. He would sit and work with it until he would get it together and once it clasped...he would want to do it again. Over and over and over!! He lines cars up over and over again and will push them back and forth and he is engulfed in watching the wheels go back and forth.

Then there are the meltdowns!!! As I mentioned, Caleb is pretty calm with his behavior. However, when we would get into situations where his surroundings involved a lot of people...he would get overwhelmed. If it was a dinner with family, we could not get him to eat or cooperate with us. Obviously, we would get advice from everyone on how to "correct" him. It has even been said that we just need to spank his butt more and he would act better. If they only knew that spanking a child that has no concept of why he is being spanked or even trying to put him in time out. I've even tried to ignore a tantrum completely. What I have found is he loses a lot of focus and if we could just get his attention...I truly believe the meltdowns would be less!!! Even a simple task of trying to sit down with him and show him how to something is hard. He'll try to do something but usually it only lasts for a few moments then he is more interested in doing his thing.

It took me along time to get past some of the hurtful things that people did not even realize that they did. It is my faith in God that has started this process of healing my heart and teaching me how to forgive people and most importantly push to get the answers that we need to help him. We just had to get it out of our heads that this is in something that we did.

Our son, Conner Matthew was born on June 7, 2009. In the past year, I have got to watch him grow and develop. Already at this age, I am noticing a BIG difference in his development. He makes eye contact, is walking, and even saying a few words!!!

The decision was made last year for me to be home with the boys. I have a jewelry business with Premier Designs that enables me to work from home and work it around my family:) My husband is a hard working man and took us on his insurance so we could be home together. God has provided for us so much! I have more time to focus on my children because I can work in the evenings when they are in bed. I'm only gone a few nights and we save on daycare. What we found is that I can make more being at home then at a 40 hour a week job!!! I am so thankful that he has been so supportive of me. After a long day at work...he comes home and does so much around here!!! I am especially thankful on the evenings that I get to go out and do a show....and he baths the boys and gets them ready for bed!!! He is a wonderful dad! I am so blessed!

The other day, I met the son of our neighbor. He is the same age as Caleb. He was babbling away and he was so candid. The moment was so surreal to me...because not that I was comparing....I was finally realizing the truth of it..like any other child...Caleb is unique. I knew in an instant that although Caleb was not talking like this little boy...that he was still communicating. I know that if we can find a way to know how Autistic Children think...we can help him.

I read a short story written by Emily Perl Kingsley that describes the experience of raising a child with a disability. She compares having a baby like going on a fabulous trip to Italy. Once the big day gets there...off you go and there you land in Holland. There was a change in the flight plan....your in Holland and this is where you must stay. The important thing is you aren't in a horrible, discusting place....it is just different. So now you must go get new guide books and learn the new language (because you were already prepared for Italy). Holland isn't bad...just different...slower paced, not as flashy. But everyone you know is busy coming up and going from Itally...and bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. You could spend your life saying...that is where I was supposed to go...or you could take the time to learn all the lovely, special things about Holland.

So here we are in Holland and is right where we are supposed to be! We're getting the opportunity to meet so many people on this journey!

Our next step is Dr Megson...highly recommended from a friend of mine...Lisa. She has a son with the same diagnosis as Caleb. Dr Megson is a pediatrician and she understands children. She also understands each children on the spectrum have their own unique needs. She is able to order testing that regular doctors won't!!! We will be traveling to Virginia the end of June for the initial consultation. We have hope that this will help us get closer to managing Caleb's needs.

When we got the diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder..... it still did not sink in that he was Autistic. It wasn't until I talked to a friend of mine who has been on the autisim journey that she explained to me that his diagnosis was on the autistic spectrum! I also read where parents who have children with milder autism symptoms will often question a diagnosis of autism because their child doesn't have "classic" autism symptoms such as head-banging or complete lack of social interaction. Many children with autism appear "normal" and do not have defining physical characterisics. It took a long time to get where we are. Parents of children on this spectrum need to stick together, work together and maintain hope that there will be a cure...until then learn to manage the symptoms.

This is our journey ---an adventure like no other...with our son Caleb. Hold on for the ride of your life!